I want a cherry.

It's 4 something in the morning on a weekend; I'm not drunk or having sex: problem.
I thought I was a college student. ;)

In all seriousness though, I'm bored. Really fucking bored. I should really be asleep right now, I guess. But as is usually the case, I want to sing, or dance, or...write. So here I am. Type-type-typing away...

I've been too busy in my own head lately to remember to write for this thing. I'm really sorry Aimee. (I miss you.) I think I think too much. The point of this is to help me gather my thoughts and such, right? Sleep at night? I don't really know where to begin though. So many things in my mind.

Man I need a tissue for my issues.
I've got the full works from sleeping disorder to eating disorder to fucking just being disorderly. Shit. You ever stop and think of how fucked up you really are? -YEAH, scary I know.

I just wanna be okay, be okay, be okay....

hehe.

SO yes. A focus for this entry...um.
Let's talk about sex, baby. But...actually when I say sex. I mean...like...not sex.
But that awkward feeling between love and lust. I figure with a title such as "A Romantic Mind" I might as well spew some bullshit. Geez, this blog is gonna suck.

So anyway...I'm looking at my life: I'm 19. I'm black. I'm a single, decently attractive, bisexual, freshman in college. I'm talented, I'm smart...enough, I'm passionate and friendly. Open-minded. Easy-going. But still mostly fucked up. Just fucked up and I'm thinking to myself, "Have I ever been in a functioning relationship?" I don't think I have and I mean this is much deeper than relationships with lovers. I mean ever! Friends...family. Now that I'm out of highschool and I'm out on my own. How the fuck do these things work? How do you start a relationship? The past few...things...I've had. Essientally I was 1)being creeped on hard 2)just a booty call. And let's get this straight, I'm absolutely okay with broken fucked up beautiful people who can't deal with their emotions and say they just want sex but actually in the end feel more and don't really know what they want or what to do. That's cool. I seem to get that a lot. But at this point, really? Like, c'mon guys. Really? Is there some kind of fucked up beautiful convention that is being held and is my number just being passed along? I'm so over it. I just want something healthy. I want someone who isn't afraid to want me.


I say all this because I thiink I found something new. Something at least interesting. Someone cute and funny and...possibly in to me. I've never actually really pursued any one. Fuck, I don't know how to do this shit. I'm more afraid of something actually happening than being rejected. I can handle rejection. I've been rejected so many times in life when I shouldn't have, when I was the best or was...that's a whole other story. I don't fucking know, man. I do know I want a cherry. I want to sit here in the dark, naked, seductively eating cherries staring out the window thinking of what might be untill I fall asleep.

Bitch, I'm out.